The Gray Areas.

Here we go again: SEASON CHANGE, both literally and metaphorically. I call this, the gray area. The area where you are not quite sure what is reality! Do you ever get into a strange sort of stupor, where you can not put your fingers on what you are feeling, nor where to start?  You know, the place where you are barely meeting the consciousness threshold, but yet you feel all of your senses in overdrive? Hmmm... here I ponder with pursed lips, this state of being. Why must life be consistently hazy? You must sometimes wish that life had contact lens to clarify all this murkiness.

The troublesome thing with gray areas, is that their color is absolutly, dreadful, dreary, depressing, deficient, and void of definite feelings. But thank God gray areas are only temporary! When seasons are changing it can be a little awkward at first, barren trees, strange looking buds, not fully frozen nor free flowing H2O molecules, but eventually seasons develop into a wholesome, fully blossomed flower, lush & over bearing trees, whole icicles or a liberated lake free of any. You see it is our job to add a little shape and body to the colorless blob! But you can not help but ask yourself, "what in the world am I to add and why are there so many decisions to be made, and why do I keep tripping over my follies?!" Lovely, how human we are! It is true we have follies, but perhaps, we have more strengths?! Strengths that can pull us through into this new season. Hope that can pull our blob into some tangible shape that we can recognize. Aspirations and dreams that do not need to take any kind of typical, clichéd, shape, but, instead, will form your blob and create it into a shape that is its own. How interesting would it be to create a whole new kind of geometrical figure, of which no one in the world could figure, nor imagine possible, but YOU get to share and educate the world on this new shapen blob!

As for the threshold of consciousness, I think you just have to push through with your best effort and at some point you'll realize that you've been completely conscious the whole time. Make decisions with both your heart and mind. I believe there needs to be an equlibrium between the two, and I think the philosophical Chinese would be in agreement with me on the whole balanced thing, which means what I'm saying is legit. Your Yin and Yang should be balanced.

Love in details (a poem)

I want to be loved! Loved, 'til the last breath that I breathe, engulfed in romance and passion. Why I wait, and choose not to settle is for I wait HIS arrival. The day he steps in and steals every breath my body can muster. The day that all I can do is but not fall without him next to me. The day that my heart dances and skips, fluttering all about as if hundreds of Monarch butterflies has just emerged from their chrysalis home. He is the one I want to sail across oceans with, explore the 7 seas, dance the tango with in Spain, farm with in France, share Risotto with in Italy, mount elephants with in Thailand, lay with on the white sands of the Caribbean. Yes, I wait. I sing songs, and speak words of love as if calling out to him, "Beloved, I am here waiting for you!" I whisper my love in the wind that blows so softly against my face,  hoping that my wind will find and caress him, and carry my whispers so he knows I am here. He will be the one that turns my bitterness into a sweetness, and will carry me through my turmoil. We will not be stopped by the discrepancies of life that threaten to tear mankind apart, but we will work together to build a better world. We will be as iron sharpens iron, looking to the positive, and will share a constance assurance with words of affirmation. Together, we will be free. I will know he's the one by the feelings of liberation in his presence. I will be able to dance around with a crown, embroidered with beautiful carnations and dandelions, as I dance freely in a field of richly colored tulips of all different shades and contrast! Oh, how we would discuss all the subjects one can possibly imagine, and topics would be endless, while still being able to say so much through our silence. Darling, your love is healing! How I wait for you. The one that can make me feel joy through my sorrows, the one that can make me love in anger. I wait for you. I long for you. I may travel all through out this world, but I will wait for you. Come quickly for your beloved waits you. But I must be assured I  to wait for timing must be right. We must walk this road well, so we may live abundantly, together. And here I wait for you.

Chaos and Expectation :)

DEEP BREATHS. This is what I have been reminding myself with through this week, day, moments. The  process of leaving a country is very.... hmm... hectic. I am still in the midst of packing. I have overloaded my living room with clothes, suitcases, hair product, shoes, chocolate, fruit snacks, hot cheetos, and sticky rice. They say I may have created a nesting place for snakes and anacondas, with the way I've terrorized the room. I believe I let out the jungle in my folks' apartment. My father refuses to clean the house, until he is sure I am on the plane, so I will not have the opportunity to do further damage. I have been too excited to eat, so I am a little dizzy and disoriented at the moment, but none the less very ENTHUSED! People usually start packing weeks in advanced, well I piled all the advanced weekly packing into one whole day! It's a more subtle adrenaline rush (of which I wish on no one.) So now, I sit and blog though I have a room,  no... an apartment, full of unfinished packed bags, and yes, I sit here though I can hear my friend Chrissy screaming my name aloud, as I choose to ignore her. This is fun.

But to be completely honest, I leave in about  4 hours and I have no finished bags,  I'm not exactly sure what terminal I'm to go to, nor do I know what hotel I'm staying in when I arrive in Bangkok, Thailand. But I shaved my legs and that makes me feel good, but besides the point, I should probably find that stuff out. :) My parents are concerned that I will be trafficked in Bangkok, so I have been reassuring them that I am a lot smarter than I put out. Common sense, is a pretty good friend of mine (I think). I have been told don't talk to strangers and don't take any offers from strangers. I feel five. This is the most scattered brain blog, I've written yet. But I hear my friends a calling and is that a low, rumbling scowl I hear? I should wrap up this nonsensical blog if I actually want to make it out of this house alive.  Yes, I am excited :) God is good. :)