BUT A MOMENT

This pass year, months, days, minutes, moments have been odd. My life this year has passed in blurs of moments.I recall some particular moments, but when I go to my mind I see a tornado of thoughts and memories, swirling and moving at various speeds.

I'm not sure where my time has gone, one moment I was and the next I'm not. It's strange. What an abstract thing, time and life is! How can one ever grasp the full concept?

But here is the thing that has been playing in my mind. What is life? What is "US?" "We," as people, as individuals, what are we? Who are we? What are we doing with our lives? and why do we do the things we do? And where the heck is all our time going?!

And then, cha ching! It settled with this thought! WE ARE BUT A MOMENT! One single moment! That's all we are. Really, it is a tad bit bothersome to me, but it is something that settled very deeply in my heart and being. The reason everything has been passing in blurs is because I AM A BLUR! I'm but a smidget in time! You and I, we are but a spot in this world's timeline. YOu and I, we will be forgotten.

And so, now conviction sits in my heart. What am I doing with myself? Apathy has been my friend. Indifference has been my drink. Selfishness has been my food. I've lived a self-centered life, but yet I seek fulfillment. I'm not sure if this is registering, but the logic is, that... it doesn't work!  Seeking self + fulfillment = emptiness. I realized that the only way to find true meaning is to draw to the higher power, because there is a void in all of us that seeks something more than the everyday monotonous living. Even the most powerful of beings on this earth would not and could not satisfy the cravings of our soul! So what are we all doing? What does this life all mean? I feel like a crack head running towards her cocaine, but after the rush of good feelings, I'm lower than I ever was before. I seek success. I seek prestige. I seek love. I seek attention. I seek honor. I seek wealth. I seek a name worth saying.But for what? I am but a moment! The life I live will end soon, and no one will remember me or the awards I've won. No one will care about me. So what I must live for is to die to myself. I need to give up anything that has to do with nothing, and listen to the voice that speaks to the very depth of my little heart. The voice that pushes me towards the goal and prize of which I strive for, the one that tells me to love others more than myself. And so I will continue to attempt to live for others and less for "self" and its needs, and sacrifice selflessly, and maybe find in my search the true meaning of life